Just breathe.

3 AM, what should i write about?


Today was one of the worst days i have had in a long time. It got better near the end, of course, but up until about 8 pm it was overwhelming. Things seem to be falling apart all around me. Ive never felt this far under the surface...never felt i was this deep in the tunnel, almost too far to even see the light. But i force myself to, what else can you do? What else can I do...im in this beautiful city and 90% of the people i love and care about are back home in Riverside...when i cry, i cry with the realization that no one is going to come give me a hug. My roommates would, of course, but they have classes too...and lives...its just very depressing when you get so upset and you cant just call up your best friend for an emergency get together...i have grown a lot in the past month, and i truly believe that if all the things happening now instead happened last year, i wouldve been a goner. Gone of the deep end...broken down. I have met, and "re-met", so many influential people this new semester...they are my inspiration to be strong and better myself through experiences such as these. A very wise friend of mine once told me that "you will have no gain from something that is easy--sometimes you have to experience the difficult stuff to really grow" and he is absolutely right. It is difficult, this is difficult. But i am growing. My eyes are open. I am impressionable. Absorbent like a sponge to soak up everything i possibly can about this city and the beautiful life im experiencing while in it...when it all comes down to it, life is way too short to dwell. Youll never know where youre going if youre turned around looking at the past...look towards the future. Take these difficult times, these difficult situations and grow from them. Learn everything you can, while you can....while youre still alive to experience this life you were so fortunate to be blessed with....goodnight faithful readers, until tomorrow:)

Spill.

so i'm just a medicine
you take when you're sick
you get well and that's it
i'm put back
on the shelf in your mirror
and it isn't exeptional
the course of our fate
cuz people love and they hate
and i guess
it's just our turn to hate.
yeah you were just some song i wrote
a poem on a page
a sculpture i made
out of clay -
desire was the flame.
but now you're a tube of lipgloss
girls just pass you around
take you out for a night on the town
and kiss strangers
then get to gossip about it later
and you think i'm an bitch now
well you're probably right
but at least i'm not blind to the facts
i've been wishing were lies.
but still i hope you get everything
that you care to possess
and unbelievable sex
with her
or any one of her friends.
but just don't ask about my appetite
i didn't lose it tonight
it's been gone half my life....